Saturday, July 18, 2009

My Weekend Fan Mail

My awesome fans have sent me a bunch of letters. And as I promised when I started this blog.. am gonna teach you how to live.

fan mail no. 1

Hi barney, there's this girl i've been dating for about two years now. She smart, beautiful and has all the qualities I love in a woman. Am twenty five years old and I've been thinking of asking her to marry me. How exactly do you think I should do this?

from Jeff in new york

Barney says:

Nooooooo!!!. If there's anything you will ever learn from reading my blog. This is definitely one of the most important;..never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever get MARRIED!!. Well don't get me wrong marriages are canna awesome. I mean you get meet all these desperate horny single chicks and stuff and is too short for you to be stuck with one woman all your life. Don't get married Jeff just remain awesome like me.

fan mail no. 2
Hi Barney, am a twenty five year old guy from texas. There's this really cute girl from my home town I like. I've been trying to get her to go out with me for a while now but no luck. Is there any advice you can give me to get her to go out with me.
from Steve in Texas

Barney says
Well steve, the first advice I can give you is SUIT UP. Suits are awesome just look at my pictures. The second advice will be that you have to make her want you you. One way you can do that will be giving her and complementary insult like "you would look a lot more beautiful if you had smaller teeth". And the most important advice would be bang her and never see her again..Hi 5!.

fan mail no. 3
Hi barney, am a twenty year old guy from new jersey. The thing is i've been trying to get a job for a long time with no luck. Any advice on getting it?
from John in new jersey.

Barney says
You need to make a cool video resume like mine. I will post my resume so you can see what I mean..and remember....stay awesome.

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