Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Fan Mail

This week a few of my awesome blog readers sent a few letters to my fan mail inbox. Being the busy man that I am, I could have a chance to read a few of them.

fan mail #1
Hey Barney, how's it going. Am a twenty five year guy from New Jersey. The problem is my boss wouldn't ever stop yelling at me. I don't know what to do. Do I yell back at him or quit my job? Any advice.
from Andy

Dear Andy,
I think your first problem is obvious. WHAT A HELL ARE YOU DOING IN NEW JERSEY? Andy Andy Andy...come to New York. It's the city that never sleeps. As for your work problem, my advice is that you never ever ever ever yell at your boss. If you are familiar with the chain of screaming.. I mean the cycle of screaming you would realize that screaming at your boss is never a good idea. Just give it some time and you would get used to all the screaming.

fan mail # 2
Dear Barnicle, am a twenty seven year old guy from New york. Me and my wife just got divorced. I just can't stop thinking about her. Do you have any advice to help me get over her.
from John
Dear john
The solution to your problem is simple. Go to the nearest bar, bang the first hot girl you see and never call her again. Problem solved.
from Barney

fan mail # 3
Dear Barney, am a twenty two year old guy from L.A. I think I might be suffering from the Yips. I just found out that the woman I lost my virginity to had pretended because my cousion paid her. The problem is she died about a year ago so it's too late for me to try to rock her world for real. Do you have any advice for me
from Fred

Dear Fred
That's a tough one Fred. I think you should find out if she has any cousins, or sisters. I suggest
you bang as many of her sisters as you can find. Good Luck.
from Barney

No comments:

Post a Comment