Saturday, May 19, 2012

Oh Canada!

I am not Canadian. How do I know this? Because I’m not terrible. Here are just a few of the infinite number of reasons why America is better than Canada…
Cana-duh                       U.S.A!                              
Population34.6 million312 million (over 10x bigger!)

Official LanguageFrench and EnglishAmerican

GovernmentFederal parliamentary democracy and constitutional monarchyNot sure, but it’s gotta be better than Canada’s!

FlagThree stripes and a maple leafThirteen stripes and fifteen stars. Note to Canada: To clarifiy that’s fifty massive, luminous balls of plasma, that through the monoculear fusion create the energy that powers the entire universe. But definitely stick with the leaf. That’ll get you laid.

CurrencyThe loonieNot the loonie

Favorite sportHockeyEvery other sport ever

National anthem"O Canada""The Star Spangeled Banner" Note to Canada: The title of you anthem is hilariously appropriate.

LandmarksNiagara FallsNiagara Falls AND the Playboy Mansion

General DemeanorPoliteAggressive, nasty, bitter, resentful… In short, kick-ass

Law enforcementMountieJohn McClane

Gun policyIndividuals who wish to possess firearms must have a valid possession license and must complete the Canadian Firearms Safety Course, weas well as passing a background check and waiting the mandatory 28 day waiting periodfire away

Healthcare systemUniversal and freePoor people die

Famous musiciansCeline Dion, Rush, Bare Naked Ladies, Bryan Adams, Paul Anka, Alanis Morissette, Gordon Lightfoot, NicklebackJon Bon Jovi

Best place to eatTim Horton’sHooters

ChicksPam AndersonReally? Pam Anderson? First of all, she’s super old. Second of all, when she wasn’t old, do you know where she went? I’ll give you a hint: It’s direcly south of you and has hotter chicks

1 comment:

  1. So in other words, in Canada you're safe and surrounded by polite people, and in the USA you are not safe, will die if you're not born with money, high chances of being shot by aggressive people who think of them selves as "kick-ass"? I would much rather live in Canada then... or even better, Denmark. Denmark is the real country of opportunities. It doesn't matter if you're born with money here, you will have a chance for a uni-education and a great job anyway, you only have to have 1 thing to make it in Denmark - a brain.