The awesomest things

When I get sad I stop being sad and be awesome instead.  True story.  But how do I do it?  Simple.  I sing the following song to remind myself of how many awesome things there really are out there.

Girls in wet t-shirts and chimps in tuxedos,
Monster truck pile-ups and Hans who shoot Greedos.
Wild chicks that beg to be tied up with strings,
These are a few of the awesomest things!

U.S. Armed Forces and dudes kicked in gonads
Box suites for football and chicks’ absent dads.
Single malt scotches that someone else brings,
These are a few of the awesomest things!

Skateboarder wipe-outs and first person shooters,
Reruns of “Air Wolf” and hiring for Hooters.
Hot girls that gyrate and wear down bedsprings,
These are a few of the awesomest things!

When the check comes!
When the girl clings!
When she’s fully clad…

I simply remember the awesomest things,
And then I don’t feel so bad!