I am not your therapist....

I am not your therapist. I am not a psychologist either. I am simply a really awesome guy who basically teaches people how to live. I opened my fan mail recently and what I found was really disturbing. Some guy asked me what he needed to do to get over his dog's death. Another one asked me for the best way to get over his cheating girlfriend. Now let me make this clear for all of you. I am not your therapist. Anyways beside the really annoying emails I have taken time out to reply to some of the recent fan mail I got.

Dear Barney,
I've just been offered a job in New york, but if I take the job and leave New Jersey that means I would have to break up with my girlfriend whom I love so much. Please tell me what to do.
From Eric

Barney says: Eric....have I taught you nothing! Girlfriends are overrated. My advice is clear and simple. Get the hell out of New jersey and move to New york. New york is awesome plus their a lot of way hotter girls than your "girlfriend"


Dear Barney,
I met this really cute girl that I really want to bang. The only problem is....she's canadian. What should I do?
from Peter

Barney says: Well the answer is simple. BANG HER! There's nothing wrong with having sex with canadians. I myself have been involved in several canadian sex acts with quite a number of canadians and believe me, they make up in bed for what they lack in everything else.


Dear Barney,
I just got this really great promotion but the job is in canada. Should I take it?
from Tom

Barney says: Absolutely not. Canada is not nearly as awesome as the states and if you take the job I will officially ban you from reading my awesome blog.